found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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