Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
