Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
