you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
