fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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