I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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