I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
