I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
