I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
