Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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