is your mom at the bar?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
