how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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