Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
