Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
