Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
