I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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