I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
