im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
