I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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