My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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