my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
