Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
