Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
