i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
