he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
