He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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