I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
