i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize