Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
