honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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