I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
