He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
