$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
