so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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