I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
