the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
