ugly people sure do ruin things
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
