I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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