they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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