just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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