What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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