Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
sex in a hospital.. check
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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