I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
