sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
