Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
