if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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