the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cannot find my penis.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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