My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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