how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
