Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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