i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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