I accidentally had phone sex last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
