I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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