HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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