I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize