Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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