I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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