why didn't you poke me back
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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