Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
