I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
