A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
