What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
