like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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