I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
